The First Desert: waiting

Each time we thought the waiting was bad, it got worse. From waiting for confirmation about departure from home to the UAE details, to waiting for information about when and where we should convene and what what we should have with us the next day, to waiting for presenters to arrive for a training session, to waiting for passports, bank accounts, and resident IDs to arrive, to waiting for a teaching schedule, to waiting for students to arrive, then to settle down to waiting to be paid for our work…

Each time we wait, we are knocked back again with a new slap

WHAP!

of overwhelming frustration. Each time it is somehow mind-boggling.

I’ve concluded that fighting it only slows the clock. I notice that as I give in and simply ride the wave and sweeps me into its whirling judgments and emotions, I find beauty in still moments. I notice that when met with calm acceptance, I am prepared to receive the object of the waiting graciously.

Just a few of the things I do when waiting:

  • Adult coloring books
  • Read
  • Float in the pool and watch the birds in their busy world
  • Find shapes in the clouds
  • Find shapes in the spaces between the clouds
  • Find letters in the Arabic alphabet in alphabetical order (alif is everywhere)
  • Recall the faces of lovers long gone
  • Fade in and out of conversations amongst colleagues who wait along with me and when I fade out, try to blend the voices and see how parts of one story make parts of a different story. Or not. And then quiz myself to see if I understand any of the stories completely. Ask myself if I even care.
  • Close my eyes and chase the balls of color that dart around on the backs of my lids
  • Take an imaginary journey through the maze in my brain, swallow the silence as I go deeper, and feel, truly feel, the joy in finding my brain clear and empty
  • Enjoy the thoughts that flitter by
  • And through it all, send love to my children, my family, and my friends through prayers without words
  • Understand that those prayers without words are the vibrations of love energy rippling out from my heart

 

 

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